Emmi Valve Fan Club

One of those days.

“Phew! Got that kid finally at the daycare! …Only 15 mins. late…” / “Coffee. Now.” / “Uh. Shit.” / “I forgot that my hair was so dirty!” ” -And what am I wearing this morning, by the way…” “…Pajama shirt and a too small cardigan!” “Oh damn!”  “Can’t really hide THIS under my hat.”

“…Why do I keep making these same mistakes over and over again?” / AT the same afternoon: / “…Oh yes, I already had mandarins…”

“…And oranges..” / “Well. Now I have about 5 kilos of citrus fruits.” / Luckily I bought one of these: / “…Maybe extra-vitamins are just what I need.”

I WAS ON A BAD MOOD. So I bought candy. – And got a stomach ache. – I felt like a total sissy. – These kind of undies are really made for a totally different kind of situations.  SOMETIMES I’m also on a good mood. – And if I drew a picture of that, it could look like this: – Or something.

I found this, didn’t remember doodling it:

.

I must say that this one was hard to translate. My vocabulary around the theme is wider in Finnish, than in English.

“So,I suppose no ‘steel-ice’ this year.” “I doubt.” “It will probably snow before that.” / “There the river freezes.” “It’s about time.” / “Hiii! What’s up?” “I was just going to watch the debacle and ice floes at the terrace.” “So are we! But this place was full, let’s go to the Cellar Cafe, there’s a better view anyways.”

“Now the big floe at the river complex is going to brake!” / “Wooo!” “Cheers!” / “I wonder if the water is going to rise up to the street-level…” “Nah. Don’t think so. The flood is settling already.” “In the year ’99-” “-I remember.” / “I always tell people, that I don’t really handle small talk.” / “And it’s true. I only talk about truly meaningful things.”

.

Civilised Nervous Breakdown. “Watch and learn, kiddos!”

I knew this was coming. “At the beginning of January? Can’t make it. I’ll be having a nervous breakdown.” / So. Here we are. Staring out the window, wearing the same flannel shirt, for god knows how many days on a row. “…I did turned this inside out just the other day.”

There’s been some clear development. “This week I once listened Nina Simone instead of Ella Fitzgerald.” / “…And yesterday I put pants on.” “…I think they are laughing at me on that balcony.”

I’m not going strictly by the plan, tough. “…Wait? Only the SECOND time I cried?” “And not that much either…” / “This may mean that the ‘big wave’ won’t hit until next week…” “…And by then I should already be wearing clean clothes and start working again… Oh how inconvenient.”

Today I nearly took a walk. / “Naah. I’m going back home. ” “…I could try to organize some things…”

“…for the next week. It can be rough, if I have to freak out and pull it together at the same time.” “Hello? Is this The Ministry of Bureaucracy? It’s just that I…”

And then, the week after that, I should already more or less have my shit together. / “What? You had some nervous breakdown? I couldn’t even tell!” / “Oh shoot! I wish I could handle my nervous breakdowns with that same ELEGANCE. …But no, It’s always just that same crying and yelling.” “Don’t beat your self for that. It takes years of dedication, to get at this level!” / “They don’t call me the QUEEN OF CRISES for nothing!”

.

“Oh, It’s starting to rain!” “…and it appears to be shit!”

/ “This is nothing. This is just some ‘northern melancholy’.” / THIS was depression: “Emmi. Come and take your medications.” “You could also get up soon for your occupational therapy.” / “THIS will get better just by …reading in the bathtub… and… eatting vegetables…” / And this will be over by may anyways. …Then I can start being all “Fuck! All this light and warmth! I can’t take it, I’ll getsome tilt or something soon!”

“Dear Diary!”

.

/ From diary. /

Tää jäi kesken, kun paperi oli vääränlaista, sivellin ei lustanut, kynä oli paska ja hajos, eikä mikään muutenkaan mennyt niinkuin piti. / This one I never finished, ‘cos the paper was wrong kind, the brush didn’t had a nice flow, the pen was shitty and broked down, and everything went just wrong anyways.

“Hey now!” “Get up!” / “…Hrmmnh… …Nooo!…” “…I don’t want to!…” / “My eyes hurt! You sadist!” / “I’ve had it with that whining!” “Get a grip, woman!” / “…But… Everything’s so HARD… and POINTLES…” Yeah. That’s how your life is. And all the other things in this world as well. Get up!”

Saturday, or “Sparkling wine in a dirty wintersport-underwear.” / “Hi Bear. Did you missed me?” “No!” / “We saved you a waffel.” “Nice.” / “It’s a nettle-waffel. On top of it is porcini mousse, and some Parma ham.” / “Let’s open one of these too.” / “You have something on your shirt.” “Yeah.” / “It’s coffee.”

.

Being sick makes me feel helpless and lonely. / I’ve been suffering from chronic pains. / Doctor told me today, that I’m gonna be okay in three years… /  …I’m facing three years of helpless loneliness. / “Fuck you, life!”

.

Aattelin että mun kurja elämäni näyttäisi hauskemmalta väreissä. / I thought that my crappy life would look more fun in color.

“Right now I’m going trough this phase, when I wish I was good at something else than ….this. …At something REASONABLE.” / “This is self betrayal. Not even 5 liters of coffee will make me any cheerier, or any more effective and rational.” /  “Hey desk, stop making me feel guilty!” “Sometimes you fill me up with panic.” /  “I mean, if something is useless, it’s THIS.”  “Besides most jobs pays the bills.  I have not figured out yet, how this will to do that” / “I do know that at some point I may have to start thinking, if  I could do something else than this…” “…But not quite yet.” Text on the sign: I will draw you my tits, 15e/ each.

Psst, kerron salaisuuden / Psst, I’m gonna tell you a a secret:This is what girls look like when they are home alone, eating fudge.

.

Viime Haapsalun reissullani tapahtui ei yhtään minkään lisäksi jotain muuta. Tämä on omistettu kaikille teille, joille väärinkäsityksiä tuntuu sattuvan.

On my last trip to Haapsalu, Estonia, something happened. This one is for all of you, who seem to get misunderstood a lot. (The translated version is under this all-in-finnish-version. If you can’t see it, click the headline of this post, or “Katso koko kirjaus>” at the bottom of the post.)

Lue koko kirjaus »

.

Oon viimeaikoina ollut kiinnostunut kumoamaan sitä sisäistä käsitystäni, että mulla on psykopaatin värisilmä. Kiinnostavaa. …Itseasiassa tälleen kuvassa mun makuuhuoneenkin värimaailma näyttää ihan ookoolta.

Lately i’ve been challengin the idea, that i have just as much eye for color than a blind psychopath does.  This is interesting. …And I think that somehow even my bedroom looks ok in pictures.

.

Siis jos jossain ei tapahdu yhtään mitään, niin näissä jutuissa. / Don’t hold your breath. / Nothing is going to happen in these stories.

In Tallinn, at Ragnar’s place, 1.10.2011 / “wake up already…”

What I did on Monday/ “What, i’ve red this book.” “…I have this.” / “Oh well. That’s that then.” “…It was a good book tough.”

Haapsalu -State Of Mind:

“Hmm…” “…That spider hasn’t moved in four days…”/ “…Should I get worried?”/ “No, wait a sec. I think that two days ago it had it’s tummy towards the sun.” “So it has moved.”

.