Emmi Valve Fan Club

(Where humor was born.)

“Oh hell with this pain! Why won’t they figure out what’s wrong with me?!” / “Well. No can do. Back to the drawing table.”

“I may need to improve my filing system…”

“…Well now I feel funny…

Kaaduin!!/ I fell!!/  Hah hah ha!!

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(Brakefast of the champions.)

“Ngh! …Shitfuck!” / “Have to take one of these. This pain is insane.” / “Oh Jesus fucking fuck! It hurts so much that it makes me cry!” / “…I’ll just lay here, and wait for the medicine to start kicking. …What will I do, if they won’t re-write the recipe? …Jesus, I must get back to work soon!” / “Huh, at last! Thank god, I was already late from my schedule ‘cos I had a flu!” / ” ‘ They don’t always find a reason for these kind of pains.’ ” “How is that possible?!” ” It CAN’T hurt this much without a reason!” ” And I can’t live like this forever, without anyone trying to do anything about this!” / Luckily I still have working medication.

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Squirrels and Nuts.

“Have you met anyone lately?” “…Well, not really… exept for… well I dunno…” / “Well OK, I met this guy, who I have to say, was as cute as a …chocolate covered nut!” “Giggle!” ” ‘Chocolate covered, slighly salted cashew-nut’ was what I was actually thinking, ‘but It would’ve maybe sounded a bit specific, in a freakish way.” / “He was good looking, but didn’t seem arrogant or self-conscious about it…”He laughed at my stupid and nervous jokes…” “…And told same kind of stories too.”  ” He’s a carpenter, which of course impresses me…” “…But then I found out, that he had built he’s own contrabass!”

“Not that being a musician automatically is a good thing…” “Well yeah!” “…but contrabass!” “I know!” “…Those hands!” “Those hands…” “Yeah…” “Yeah…” / “So, are you going to call him or something?” / “No!” “No no” “He WAS lovely, but I don’t pick all the pretty flowers I see either…” “Like this guy I told you about… The one that held my hand…” “…Oh dear God. Is there anything sweeter? He too was like a small furry squirrel or something…” “But… I don’t have to DO anything over every crush I have…” / “…So, you just like to think about these guys?” “Well yes. They don’t go bad that way.”

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Tehomimmit hoitaa blogimerkinnät kurssimuistiinpanojen ohessa.

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On tullut sairasteltua, joten päivitän jälleen tälläisellä vanhemmalla helmellä, joka muutoin jäisi maailmalta näkemättä. (…Kokonaisuudessaan. Facebook-ystäväni ovat ensimäistä sivua joskus ihailleet, mutta taisin jättää silloin mainitsematta, että itseasiassa tätäkin vitsiä sai venytetyksi neljän sivun mittaiseksi.) / I’ve been sick, so I post this treasure, that the world would mayotherwise  never see! (…Entirely. My Facebook-friends may have seen the first page, but I didn’t admitted to them, that actually there were a lots more of this stuff!)

“I want to be funny!” “No way! It’s our job!” / “We are like silly dogs!” “Unruly but adorable!” / “Then what are we?” “Well… Like..” / “Mystical mussels!” “I don’t want to! I wanna be funny!” / “Well, you can’t be everything.” “Oh, you be somekind of  ‘Mystical sea cucumber’ and well see how much fun that is!” / “Besides, everybody want’s to pet the puppy…” / ” …But nobody thinks that mussels are cute! “…and quite a few will be willing to eat them!” ” Except ‘Sometimes when hangovered, and with a pizza.’ ”

“I’ll become a dog too!” “Well it’s not that simple!” / “I mean… you don’t even know any tricks!” “Hey, don’t take this personally, but…” / “Those tricks of your’s are all sympathetic and everything…” ” ‘Stand.’ … ‘Find the ball.’ ” / “Nice. But not my thing. ” “Hmph!” “…Well now you got hurted.” / “All I’m saying is, that we don’t have to same kind of dogs!” “You’ll be that toilet-seat-wetting, eager, trick-dog…” / “…And  can be one of those small, feisty, lapdogs!” “Yeah, right!” “You just have to always steal the show, don’t you!” / And so:  “Let’s get some air…” “And I’ll give you a bone later!”

“That’s a cute furry thing you got there!” / “Don’t touch!” “Grrr!” / “Holy fuck! It bites!” / “You should never fondle Fifis you don’t know!” / “Hey! “No pulling!” / “Oh, that’s a playful little fella!” “Well yeah… It get’s excited like that sometimes.”

“Oh look at that, Spotty is all showing off! Look at him standing!” “Yeah. …Nice trick!” / “Hey, we could take these too out to play this evening!” / “Sure. Why not. At eight?” / “Be a good girl then, Fifi… remember what happened last time?” / “Hey, I’m done with that pooch of yours!” “Train it a bit, would you! It’s constantly all over me!” / “…Or then again…” “…Mybe we’ll hang out only with animal lovers from now on!” “But now we must go home! We’ll have nicely some time to give you a little trimming!” -Goofyed by Emmi Valve, 2011.

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Left Page: “Aaargh, I’m bored and I want sweets! …There must be at least one lonely piece of candy somewhere in this apartment !” Against all odds, our heroines sugar tooth got it’s satisfaction trough this catch: *A lollipop, that played the role of a wedding candy at my friends weddings, found from my party-purse.* *Chocolate-bar, found in between a pile of books at my nightstand* (Text on the book covers: ” Finnish female writers firs novel” and “Self-published poems”) *Wide range of experimental jams, that widen a persons idea of the things that can be jammed.* (On the jam-jars: “Passion-fruit” “Green tomato” and “Mint”) / Right Page: *Peppermint-lollipop, forgotten as a decorative element.* *Cinnamon cookies, bought as bribes for a 3yo. (Surprisingly tasty with the collection of experimental jams.)* *Bar of raspberry drops, which turned out to be glucose-tablets.* *A hand full of cola-stripes, hidden in my purse last spring.* “I feel sick!”

Oli hirvee olo vielä seuraavana aamunakin. / I felt awful until the next morning.

P.S. Piirsinpä eilisen merkinnän tulevaisuudessa! / I guess I drew yesterdays post in the future!

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Dear diary!

“Uh, It’s been a tangled week! My bike & keys got stolen, there’s something wrong with my hip and I’m in pain, and  got my DVD-player messed up. Then I realized, that I fucked up this thingie, which means that for now, Im broke.” “But, what can you do? Still have to keep myself busy, so that I don’t have time to get depressed or anything.” “If one thing ain’t working out, I’ll just move on to the next one.  No time for wallowing!” “Stupid thing with the DVD-player tough…” “I mean, I tried to comfort my self by ordering a a pile of silly 80’s movies, and now I can’t watch them!” LUCKILY this week can’t last forever!

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A friend.

“Fuck what a day!” / “…I’m not gonna even start…” “I mean everything that can go wrong, went wrong! …Everything!” / “Phew!” “…But it’s nice that you are here…” / ” …Could we just be. …Let’s do nothing!”

“Well, yes, but I’m not like a friend of yours.” / ” I’m Molly Ringwald, and you’ve been watching too much Breakfast Club and Pretty In Pink.” / “Real people think that you are weird, and a little ‘bit scary too. …But. That’s that. I’m off.” / The End!

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Älä ala mulle, tai piirrän mun päiväkirjaan omituisen kuvan ja pistän sen mun blogiin kolme viikkoa myöhemmin! / Don’t start with me, or I’ll draw a freaky picture in my journal, and blog it three weeks later!

“Here I vomit on your soul.”

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Tälläsiä lötyi luonnoskirjasta.  Musta näissä on jatkokehittelyn ainesta, jahka joskus ehdin. / I found these from my sketch book. I think there’s something workable in here, if I have the time someday.

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