Emmi Valve Fan Club

Love-spell, (Written 2009) / “What are you having?” “Nothing, thanks.”/ “No, for real. A beer?” “Well, I like to pay my own…” / “Nooo…! I’ll take one too! Let’s drink tequila!” / “Oh no, no teguila! Thank you, but I can’t-” / “Well what can you drink? Come on, have a beer, let me buy you one!” “…Well OK.” / “So, a beer for the lady…” “Thanks.” / -gulp- / “Hohhoohhooo!! Now I own you! When a maiden after midnight tastes a drink that you have payed for, she shall be your’s!!” “Now you have to have sex with me!”

“Mhmm, mmhhmm, tell me more…” “…and often my work is called feminist, and I have to say, that that aspect exists, but I my self have been very surprised that how much violence and grotesque themes i’ve been wanting to process…”  Thanks for the beers, Emmi 25. 11. 2009

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“Oh, cool. Instead of knowing how to set the alarm, i’ve just messed up this thing again,” Brightlight-alarm clock / “This BETTER kick!” (brakefast: half a lemon & sea ​​buckthorn juice) /”…But! …What does this mean? …Who’s translated my calender to hebrew? How I’m now suppose to know what to do?” / ” It’s 10am. Can I take a nap now?” / Wellcome, oh so lovely October!”

“No problem.” “This year I can do this!” “I’m prepared!” ” (…To sleep from here to May.)” …Just as I started to fill up my home with moss, and collect nuts inside my cheeks, the rain stopped, and the sun came out. I decided to make it at least ’till the November. …Or lunch-time.

Yritin tossa pari päivää sitten piirtää, mutta siitä ei tullut mitään. Tämä kollaasi kertoo ehkä olennaisimman:

Few days ago I tried to draw. It didn’t really worked out. This collage sums it up pretty good.

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Be aware of the BRAINDEAD-GIRL!  …Work? What work?… …No I mean… …Mm, brains!… …Where are my socks?… …Do I have socks?… …Umm, so… …Eeeh, when was I suppose to travel to Estonia again?… …and there was some meeting too, right?… …This pile is like “done” and that pile is…No, wait… …I mean, the date went already. Oh snap…  NOW NEAR YOU AT…Wait a sec, I’ll check.

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Analyse this, Sigmud Freud!, September 2011/ I had this same nightmare for years, in which was forced to get married. Wedding was organized by relatives of the groom, and they made me wear this hideous dress. I was terryfied, ‘cose I knew getting married was a bad idea / “Oh, so lovely!” “…but he doesn’t even love me!” / The dream always ended the same way. I was left at the altar, and I felt compelitely humiliated. / “I have to get out of here RIGHT NOW!”

Last night I had a similar dream again. This time the dress was nice. / “Help! I’m making a huge mistake!” “…Thank God the priest will ask “do you”, and I can answer I DON’T!” / But then: “The groom has disappeared!” “Oh poor Emmi!” “No, no, don’t feel sorry for me! I didn’t wanted to get married!” “That worm could’ve stayed and take some responsibility thought.”

“Everybody calm down! Let’s party! Everything’s great!” “…I love this dress, but it would be weird to wear it…” “Miikka, bring me my golden dress!” / “And you there! Yes, you! Fuck off!” “Everybody here knows that you have been fucking with that ‘fiance’ of mine for the past two years, so could you just leave so we don’t have to whisper when we talk shit about you!”

“Hey, don’t look so…shocked!” “We have the dresses and the black ties, We have cake and sparkling wine!” “We are not celebrating the wedding, but the fact that that we didn’t make that awful mistake!” “…Hmnn… My subconscious is clearly evolving…”

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20 things better than sex! / A hamburger. / “Yeah. Like a magic-hamburger maybe.”/ “…the kind that gives me superpowers or makes me invisible when I take a bite.” / Shoes on sale. / “I’ve never bought shoes that WEREN’T on sale.” / Chocolate. “Give it a rest with that chocolate-propaganda already!” / When a hot guy smiles at you. / “Yes. OR when a hot guy fucks me good…”/ -flip- / 20 ridiculous sex-tricks! / “Hello, I’m a cosmo-girl! I get my satisfaction from eating chocolate, but for your pleasure I’ve learned to tie a knot on a cherry spindle with my vagina!”

Thank you Cosmopolitan also for sharing this information: ” ‘Hottie’ is a workable word.” “You are allowed to leave your boyfriend, If his ex is still hes fb-friend!” “Don’t nag with text messages to your partner.” “For a job interview, don’t dress like you were going to a night club.” ” If your mans fb-status says ‘carpe diem’, he’s like really deep.” “Don’t ask from a man what he thinks.” “…instead you can try to interpret his handwriting.” “Cook, shave, satisfy, and please please please PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE your MAN.”

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Empowering What The Fucking Ever. / “…well you know, I think it’s a ‘bit same, than if someone takes a shit…” / …And then: “Hey, don’t throw this away!” ” Oh, no! This is valuable you know!” / “Look at it!” “Let’s frame it!” “Nice flow!” “You really shouldn’t hold your self back!” “Take a look Ulla (or can I call you Ultsu?) what comes out of you when you really push it!” “Hey everybody else, come and take a look what Ultsu did!”

“Now I wish, that you, as Ultsus family, will support her with this process.” ” Yes, these are very important things, and you can even create a some kind of block, if you aren’t feeling supported.” / ” Ultsu, we and your family want you to look at this, and realize that you are capable of doing this! ” “This has gone trough YOU!” “Don’t deny this side of you’r self, it’s a strong and a capable machine!” / “…And that is why I feel very skeptical towards all kind of art-therapy.”

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September 2011 / “Oh, Märta!” “…Henrik, Henrik…” “I really would LIKE to believe you! But come on! I’m not swallowing it! These kind of stories are made up by screwed up ‘artists’, who need an alibi for being such an assholes! ‘Love.’ Yeah, right!”

“…I don’t know. I’m like somehow all tired …and CYNICAL.” “There, there. ” “Lay your head down on my lap.” / “mmmhmm…” “…Who are you by the way?” “I’m The Endless And Hopeless Darkness Of  The Fall.” / “…Oh.”

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Rush. / “Hey you must eat a ‘bit faster now, we are already late!” / “I mean it kid! Put that food in your mouth!” / “Did you heard me?!” // “Oh, come here Bear. Let’s talk.”

“I’m sorry I was so stupid.” / “…You don’t have to eat fast. And we don’t have to go anywhere.” / “…Do you wanna read something?” / “Yeah.  Karlsson of the roof.” / “We’ll take a nap first, and then we could bake something. Cookies. And a cabbage-pie.”

“Hmm. Well, I don’t have to try this again…”

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Here, on the deck 8, at Eckeröline M/S Norlandia, nobody’s really missing the morning disco, or wondering if it’s late enough to change the bellinis to beer. Here we are just waiting this uncomfortable journey just to be over.

It’s good to sleep in Haapsalu.

It’s raining. I’m listening to the radio, and drawing. Soon i’ll take a nap. I agreed to meet Ragnar today. Tomorrow back to Finland & home.

Taking a walk. “Not the best idea.” Mum told me over the phone, that this storm is some sort of reaction to hurricane Katia. / It’s so windy during the night, that i’m afraid I might wake up at the Oz.

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Day off / Today I’m pretending it’s a day off. Just a for tiny moment I separate my self from EVERYTHING HARD.

THE NURSES, THE DOCTORS, THE RECIPES, THE DIAGNOSIS (OR THE LACK OF IT…) “Ok, but if you are not gonna re-write this recipe, then write me something else! Soon I’m not even able to get out of the bed!” “‘The doctor will call you’…-Yeah, when? Next weeks friday? …ok… *sigh*” “And where can I contact if-”

…JOB-STUFF… “This time I tought we could talk about what leading a corporation means in details…” ” Help. I’m totally in a wrong place.” “What was I thinking?” “Fuck. Did I remembered to fill up that one form?” “I don’t have enough clients. Help.”

…”FREE TIME”… “What’s up?” “Same shit.” “Same shit from here to eternity. I’m SO bored.” / …EMOTIONAL LIFE… “‘Blah blah blah!!!'” “Stop being such a pathetic looser! Argh!”

…EVERYDAY-LIFE… “…Ok. So the DVD-player still doesn’t work, and i have no idea why, but the lights in my corridor and toilet are broken.” “(But I think I’m too tired to think about that stuff anymore.)

…AND THEREFORE: “I’m having a a day off!” “Shh, be quiet.” ” …Even more quiet!” “…So quiet that I can hear the clouds moving.”

Tällänen pirteä bonus-kuva löytyi duunimuistiinpanojen välistä:

And here’s a cheery extra-picture from my notebooks.

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