Emmi Valve Fan Club

BLOOD ON THE FLOOR.

“Well now we have blood on the floor!” //  “Check yourself! Who’s bleeding?! We need to keep the floors clean!” “Not me! (…I think…)” // “Oh! Did it hurt?” “Noo!” // “It’s just a nose bleed. From the flu, I guess.” “Oh, well good.”

…But the faces of those rugby players were priceless, when the sports halls middle-curtain started to rise! // “Who’s bleeding?! Hey chicks?!” “…Is someone bleeding there?” “Yes! This is a tough sport!” // “Ha ha!” “Ha ha”

“Phew! I gotta strech soon, before the pain hits me!” // “Owh!” “…Funny thing by the way…” // When I was 15: “At the end of the class I want you to fill up these feedback forms. We use them for planning next years gym classes!” // “In the future I wish to be left alone, and my hate for sports to be respected.” “Some people hate flower arranging, some hate anal sex, I hate sports” (Oh YES I did!) // “Emmi! Could you stay for a-” “Don’t think so!” And my attitude didn’t really got any better…

“BUT today…” // …I did some crazy stuff!  “Shit Caht” “Giggle!” …Quite a lot of this… // …A remarkable amount of this… //  …But allso…

“Wow! I can get FAST with these skates!” “Me! Emmi Valve!” “Am moving on a high speed!” // “Go us!!”

“…Oh man.” // “…I could get all sensitive with this…” “If I had the physical strength.” // “…Gotta eat some painkiller to be able to sleep…” // “I so can’t vait for our next practise!”

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Oh, and the sport we are talking about here is Roller Derby, and the team to support is P-Town Brawlers.

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Just fine, thanks for asking!

“I moved again. For the last time for a very long time, i hope.” / I’ve been a ‘bit sick. (Influenza.) Fever talk: “Black….’black’…’ink’…”

I also moved to a new studio. “Were you thinking about lunch?” “Yeah.” Revolutionary!!  (I think all my drawing stuff is there, and that’s the reason why I’m now drawing with a ballpoint pen in an old notebook.)/  I saw one of my brothers. It’s been long since we last met. “…And then all this shit about ‘love conquering all’! ‘Love heals’ and blah blah blah! I mean, who believes in these things?!” “Well, not just that they aren’t true, – but it’s also very hard to come up with a  good story based  on those beliefs.”

I’ve also met a lot of other people too. “Hi Emmi!” “Well hi you!” / “Who is this person why I never remember anybodys names or faces and then I’m sure I end up hurting their feelings quick now come up with an rescue plan for this situation!”  / It’s been going O.K. “…Oh, today?… – Nah, I don’t think so… – I’ve been so social for the past few days, that I just need to rest a ‘bit. – …Yeah, an other time.”

A lot of nice things are about to start soon. But maybe I won’t talk about them just yet. / “But damn, I’m going trough a quite happy period right now!” “It’s nice to wake up in the mornings, and good things are happening. …To me! – Quite wild!”

Now I just need to get totally rid of this decease. “Mum…are you going to work tomorrow?” “Well, I really should, but I don’t know yet how we are gonna arrange that since we are both sick… –  Oh that reminds me, let’s pop in the pharmacy on our way home.” (Mummy made take away Chinese for dinner.) / But I try not to stress. “I love Claire Danes hair.”

..Because Everything Is Alright, and it is awesome! “…And now I know that ya all are like “She’s clearly in love with somebody!” “Well, no. I’m not” “And I’m not saying, that being in love wouldn’t make you happy as well, but these things going on right now… they are like my OWN. I made them happen. For my self. …And that is in some how even better.” The End!

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HOME ALONE FOR THE WEEKEND. Revealing recognitions! Wild twists never seen before!

“Yuck. I overate. – Well, don’t have to eat until Monday then.” / “I need to buy a new cover for this couch. – …And roller skates for Roller Derby…” / “I can’t believe it. I’m finally sorting out this junk-pile.”

How come YouTube is recommending me only dolphin-squeeking?-I was listening to Skinny Puppy just 20 min. ago… / “My Russian hair-oil smells like chamomile:” / Lifetime Channels sententious teen-movie. “I’m so clad nobody knows I’m waching this.”

“…Where is my HAND creme?”

“Yuck. They should sell beer in 2dl cans, so I could at once drink it all before it gets bad.” / “Am I lonely? – …Not very? – Should I be lonelier? – Wonder if people feel like they are useless for me?”

“What am I gonna do with my album? I think it’s finished… – Why can’t I just send it to some publisher?”

“I’m gonna change clean sheets.” / “Aah… Clean sheets…”

Next time we shall pick our eye brows, and discuss about the impossible (?) combination of fear of commitment and a relationship!

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My eyes hurt. Organic mascara gets into my eyes during the night, and starts slowly burn off my corneas. / Nobody knows where I am. / To be honest, I my self don’t know where I am. – Somewhere in here. / Ragnar went to Haapsalu yesterday. I knew he had to leave, but I still got a ‘bit disappointed for a moment. / In the evening I got a strange feeling. / …Like none of this was real. Like I just made up Ragnar, and this apartment, and Haapsalu too. – Or like everything was a dream.

And what about me then? – How real I am myself? / Not very. / “Meow, meoow meooow!” “tick, tock, tick, tock”  Well. Nothing much to say then.

“Purr, purr, purr” / “Don’t bother me with your human-problems.” / “At the moment I don’t care.”

“Meoow! Meow” / “Meow! Meow!” / “Hi.” “Meoow!” “Meow meow. – Every time I see you, you are in a some sort of a crisis.” / “Relax a ‘bit. You are so dramatic.” “Meow!” / “Meow!” “Oh well. Who am I to speak?”

“Mew!” / “Oh! Well hi there small cat!” “Mew mew!” / “What are you after? Should I pet you a little bit?” “Mew mew!” / “Yeah, I know. We all need just a little bit of love.” / “I gotta go now. I’ll pet you some more, if we shall meet again.” “Mew!” / “Mew! – Mew! – Give me food, you idiot!”

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“I’m in a horry!” / “Hi.” “Hi” / “You’re blah blah looks nice” “I’m laaaa’ate!”  / “…Wait a sec. What did Sid said?” “Come on Bear, let’s go!” / “You’re all jazzed up. Looks nice!” “What does that mean?”

“Jazzed up?” / “…Well it sounded like it was a good thing.” / “…’Your hair is up’!” “Of course! ‘Your hair is up, looks nice!” / “Huh.”

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Please note that I’m so artistic, that I drew this on the actual meringue bag. So clever!

SALMIAC-MERINGUE.

(Salmiac is also often translated “salty licorice”, but I think it’s not really a good translation. Salmiac is a finnish candy, and if you’re not sure what it is, you haven’t tasted it.)

A friend gave me a salmiac-meringue. / “Mmm… Tastes like cotton candy.” “Salmiac-cotton candy! Awesome idea!” / “Yum yum.” / “…Yuck. Quite a lot of sugar in this.” “And salmiac-cotton candy” “What a fucking idea that was?” / ” …I want cucumber-cotton candy. And beer. Lime-beer and cucumber-cotton candy.” / “WAIT WHAT? What the heck I’m thinking?” / “It’s the sugar rush talking.” “I think I need to sleep now.”

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Sunday. The restaurant that I would’ve liked to lunch at was closed. I ended up at this cafe I always hang at. After these free weekends, there’s always my poor social skills at the top of my mind. / Happened lately: “If those arrogant morons are coming to talk to us again, you chat with them.” / “…Then they’ll leave for sure.” “Cool.”

I’m a small talk -monster. / “HELP.” “Politics, religion, personalities.” “*A ‘funny joke’ about kids being like messy dogs at the end of the day. Target group: young moms.*” “Please excuse me, but I must go and get hammered now.”

I’m uncomfortably aware of this. That’s why I sometimes just try to stay quiet. / “Isn’t she arrogant!” “Act normal!”

Also this never happens to me: “Phew! That went well after all!” / …But always this: ” …I associated with people!… …two days ago!… …I now must spend a week alone at the desert to get rid of this stress!”

I know that this is a side of me, that people can’t see. That’s why I also do this:  / “Hi.” “Hi.” / “I’m sorry this situation is terribly uncomfortable for me!” “Oh…” “But it’s okay!” / “I can handle this!” “…Yeah.” / “…You seem to be doing a great job!” / I’m not sure if it actually helps.

(Finished this part few weeks later.) “I don’t know why I’m like this. …I’m not very shy or anything. …And I don’t suffer from loneliness.  I guess I’m just a little bit enfant sauvage. (It’s French, and it means pretty much ‘raised by wolves.’)”

Happened this fall: / These here are my parents: “Oh, the neighbors are having a yard sale. Thank god they didn’t invited us to take part!  Uh oh, could you imagine that?” / “I’m starting to understand where my poor social skills come from.” “Oh, come on-” / “I did took you to the park and everywhere when you were a kid.” “…I just made sure that there weren’t anybody else when we went there.” “I rest my case.”

…I’m also comfortable with doing things alone, or being just by my self for a longer time. I dream about living in an island of my own.

I think that growing up in a family of ten, made it so that… …THIS: “I need few hours alone-time now!” …BECAME… …THIS:”I think I need to spend few decades just by my self now!”

“Or who knows? Does it matter?” “I know that this is nothing temporary.” “This is just how I am. …And I must learn to live with it somehow.”

“And please, don’t stop inviting me to thingies. I won’t come to every single one but I might come to some.” “I can’t live my life not doing things just because they are hard for me…” / “…Oh, and if I then at some christening or something start for example to tell the priest all the details of the time I gave birth to a children or something, keep in mind that I mean no harm.” “And that it’s fine by me to explain to that priest that I have a tourette’s. Or that I’m possessed. Or something.”

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LUNCH-NOTES.

At lunch, February 2012. / WHAT’S ON MY MIND: E-mails, portfolio works, customer works. Should I do some album finishing, or draw one upcoming thing? / ALSO: I shouldn’t spend so much on eating out, but I really need just LEAVE MY FLAT every once in a while. …Am I having a sinusitis or something? …Oh, must run  back at the desk now!

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Inspirational (?) doodling:

Mug-notes, 17.2. at lunch time.

I have a ridiculous amount of coffee cups and mugs. Total 36 or 38 cups. Some I use, some I don’t, and some I use for an other purpose than drinking from. (That ugly muffin-mug I do not own, but I nearly bought it, ‘cos it amused me.)

” And I’m afraid that we will become those people who only talk about work.” “…Except that you are one of them already.” / “…And look at Emmi here! She’s gone trough a lot during her life, and I think that she’s still finally finding some balance in her life!” “I’m  just fine.” “Haha! Yeah. You will be just fine one day.” / “Psst! I’m gonna tell you a secret. I’M JUST FINE.”

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“Mom…. Will you get married before I do?”  “Well. We’ll see.”

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A kiss is hard to draw, but I tried.

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Bureaucracy and hurt feelings.

*Daylight-alarm clock wearing a sleeping mask. / “Ugh… So what’s for the day?” / “Uuuuh… bureaucracy-day!” / “I’d rather spend the day cleaning toilets…” / “…Usually just one bureaucracy-day is enough to ruin the whole week.” / “I don’t know what I would hate as much as paper work and office-stuff.” “…Except for one ex maybe.”

“Funny thing by the way…”  “…This same ex would like us to be friends again.” / “And I must respect the effort he’s seen to fix our friendship.” / “… I mean, if I had found him behind my door with a bundle of roses for example…” “…I would’ve sent him home with them.” / …But he came by one morning to do my paper work!! “Then you just sign there and there…”  “Uh, okay…” “…What was this form again?” “Holy shit! I think he’s really trying!”

“…maybe…” “…We’ll sit at the same coffee table one day.” “…Or have some beers together or something.” / “Wait a minute.” “I’m not anguished  at all.” / “Weird, but  have a feeling, that this could be a good day.”

February, -20 c outside. I like this lunch diner, ‘cos even tough I sometimes bring friend here, I never bump in to someone I know in here, and no one here is interested of my presence. – They have the worst coffee in this town. – Next I’m off to have few afternoon beers with a friend.

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