Emmi Valve Fan Club

Sunday. The restaurant that I would’ve liked to lunch at was closed. I ended up at this cafe I always hang at. After these free weekends, there’s always my poor social skills at the top of my mind. / Happened lately: “If those arrogant morons are coming to talk to us again, you chat with them.” / “…Then they’ll leave for sure.” “Cool.”

I’m a small talk -monster. / “HELP.” “Politics, religion, personalities.” “*A ‘funny joke’ about kids being like messy dogs at the end of the day. Target group: young moms.*” “Please excuse me, but I must go and get hammered now.”

I’m uncomfortably aware of this. That’s why I sometimes just try to stay quiet. / “Isn’t she arrogant!” “Act normal!”

Also this never happens to me: “Phew! That went well after all!” / …But always this: ” …I associated with people!… …two days ago!… …I now must spend a week alone at the desert to get rid of this stress!”

I know that this is a side of me, that people can’t see. That’s why I also do this:  / “Hi.” “Hi.” / “I’m sorry this situation is terribly uncomfortable for me!” “Oh…” “But it’s okay!” / “I can handle this!” “…Yeah.” / “…You seem to be doing a great job!” / I’m not sure if it actually helps.

(Finished this part few weeks later.) “I don’t know why I’m like this. …I’m not very shy or anything. …And I don’t suffer from loneliness.  I guess I’m just a little bit enfant sauvage. (It’s French, and it means pretty much ‘raised by wolves.’)”

Happened this fall: / These here are my parents: “Oh, the neighbors are having a yard sale. Thank god they didn’t invited us to take part!  Uh oh, could you imagine that?” / “I’m starting to understand where my poor social skills come from.” “Oh, come on-” / “I did took you to the park and everywhere when you were a kid.” “…I just made sure that there weren’t anybody else when we went there.” “I rest my case.”

…I’m also comfortable with doing things alone, or being just by my self for a longer time. I dream about living in an island of my own.

I think that growing up in a family of ten, made it so that… …THIS: “I need few hours alone-time now!” …BECAME… …THIS:”I think I need to spend few decades just by my self now!”

“Or who knows? Does it matter?” “I know that this is nothing temporary.” “This is just how I am. …And I must learn to live with it somehow.”

“And please, don’t stop inviting me to thingies. I won’t come to every single one but I might come to some.” “I can’t live my life not doing things just because they are hard for me…” / “…Oh, and if I then at some christening or something start for example to tell the priest all the details of the time I gave birth to a children or something, keep in mind that I mean no harm.” “And that it’s fine by me to explain to that priest that I have a tourette’s. Or that I’m possessed. Or something.”

Kategoria: Luokittelematon.